Tuesday, February 28, 2017

So Normal

    When I started this blog, my goal was to show how normal an unmedicated bipolar can be and it turns out that can be pretty normal.

    I have nothing to report. Most of the time I feel like I've created an online, public diary because he has such a normal life.

    Do you know what I have to report? Nothing.

    No manias, no depressions. Nothing.

    This is even despite his night job!

    You know what, though? It's amazing.

Thursday, January 19, 2017



Sorry about that.

Well, we've done it!
After hearing that a house was opening, we've managed to POWER CRAM into this awesome house. Before January.

It was nuts! Just crazy time!

In the day time, I packed boxes with my three little helpers. At night on my beloved bipolar's days off, he'd head over and clean the new house. AND CLEAN!

The last tenants left a house full of stuff. a dry rack with dishes. Three beds. Crazy time.

My husband put in new faucets in the bathroom and kitchen. He put in a new shower head setup, a cabinet in the bathroom. We got bunches of new curtains. I wish I'd taken Before pictures, but it was such chaos, I lost my wallet. My phone also fell out of my pocket, and I ran it over. I'm surprised that I didn't lose my butt!

A good portion of our lives is in a giant pile of boxes in what will eventually be the office and craft room.

Big projects! Slow, steady and obnoxious progress.

Thursday, December 15, 2016

Night Shift Update

    Well, the night shift is working out pretty well.

    As soon as my beloved bipolar husband gets his first paycheck, we won't be in extreme poverty anymore.
    I'm pretty excited about that. Just in time for Christmas.

    There have been two other Christmases where we had oodles of money, but I don't remember either of them. ??
    It could be because when he had both those jobs, I never saw him.
    With the first one, he'd come home between 11pm-2am and go back to work at 6am.
    The second one, they'd actually put him up in a hotel every other week. I saw him on Wednesdays.

    The secret to night-shift success is a full sleep arsenal. A nice, bead-filled, cooling face mask, some ear plugs, and new sherpa sweatpants have kept him sleeping peacefully through the day time. The bright, loud daytime.

    He's been using his happy lamp when he wakes up from about noon to 8pm. I'm sure his wake-up times will normalize soon.

    I miss cuddling with him. Sleeping next to his warm body, snuggling against his shoulder blade and being wrapped in the smell of him.
    He misses me to.

    Knowing about each other's mental differences has really fortified our strong relationship.
    Before he knew about my Asperger's, some of my social interactions confused him.
    Before I knew about his bipolar, I had no idea that his bouts of crazy passion were manias, and that those are something to avoid.
    I feel though, that the parts of each other we rely on aren't related.

    I need him to help ground me. I need him to cook and I need him for the kisses.
    He needs me because I somehow keep him grounded. He needs me to find all the things he puts down and looses track of and he needs me for the kisses back!

    I love him so much that I don't see him as a separate entity.  I feel like he's part of me. Not in a romantic, cutesy way. I literally feel like he is a large part of how I manage to be alive. He's a part of my brain that only functions when he's around.

    It's nice, but it's weird.

Monday, November 28, 2016

Night Shift Day 1

   My beloved bipolar husband just got home from his first day of working night shifts again.
   I'll keep an eye on him today.

Wednesday, November 16, 2016

Night Shift

    My beloved bipolar husband got a night shift.

    Last time he had one, we didn't know about the bipolar. Since we weren't doing light therapy, he got very depressed. He trusts that he can work past it this time with his happy lamp.

    I think he'll do fine. :)

Thursday, November 10, 2016


    It might be time to break out the happy lamp.

    My beloved bipolar husband has been having a hard time sleeping lately. He says he's depressed. Poor guy.

    I'm concentrating hard on getting into copywriting and finishing my second novella at the moment.
    My blog has fallen through the cracks.

    I'd love to work on healthy eating and exercise next. As soon as I finish my novella and get my first copywriting gig, I'll move my priorities.

    It's amazing how much my mood affects my husband.

   I try my best to be a pleasant person who brings the much needed happiness to those around me, but I feel like the real me is a very gloomy, sad and grumpy bear.
    It's hard because he knows me too well. He reacts to the feelings I'm truly having.

    Yesterday, my coworker, who is 19 years younger than me, was complaining to my boss about some drama in the workplace.
    "And then there's sweet little Breezy." She said for both of us. "Who never has any drama."

    I felt quite happy about that. However, with my husband I can't "fake it til you make it." I have to rearrange myself.
    If I'm feeling negative, I have to look at the emotion I'm having, validate its existence, and then move past it so I can think of how to apply logic to the problem.
    It's really hard, I do admit. It's so nice to be able to do that though.

Tuesday, November 8, 2016

Under the Radar

    My beloved bipolar husband told me yesterday that he'd been depressed for a few weeks now. I was shocked.
    Maybe he's gotten so good at handling himself and using coping techniques that I couldn't notice it. As his wife, though, it's distressing. I hope I know him well enough to know when something is up.

    The new baby has been screaming pretty non-stop while I've been at work. It's not surprising because, well, she's not yet 3 months old.
    He keeps saying he'll look for a new job so I can watch her in the day again, but he hasn't yet, That's also not surprising because being employed is honestly, frickin horrible!
    The baby, Lulu (age 3) and Icy (age 2) have all been taking turns waking up at night so chronic sleep deprivation probably plays a role in the crabbiness. I'm surprised the lack of sleep hasn't sent him into more manias, but he is so responsible.
    We've also just been having a hard time this week. Our car battery died and it's a funny one that lives under the back seat, so, it needed to be special ordered. We weren't able to grocery shop, so my husband has been using kitchen wizard spells to conjure food.

    As far as Americans go, we're awfully poor. However, as an American, I do appreciate what we have. If you really look at it, it it quite a lot, so, in spirit of November, I'm going to work on being greatful and happy!