Sometimes, it's pretty easy to see the love in my life.
My beloved bipolar and I managed to crawl into bed around midnight.
It was a hard night getting all the girls to sleep.
Yesterday, while feeding Jesse, our goldfish, my daughter mentions he has an owie on his tail, and then I realize that our fish has a bacterial infection in his tail, and the heater in his tank wasn't keeping him warm enough.
I mentioned getting a new one, and my beloved bipolar said he doubted that we had the funds to get a new one.
I've read too many stories about pets and babies who've fought for their lives and it seems that there is a common thread through both those that make it and those that don't.
The ones that make it have families that tell them to fight, those who explain what in life is worth fighting for.
Those that don't make it have families who "let them go," who tell them that they don't have to fight anymore, so I sat next to him and stroked the tank, showing him my finger tips. He's hand fed every morning so he associates fingertips with positive thing. I was trying to remind him how much he loves to eat, and trying to make him feel loved by reminding him that we feed him every morning.
As he barely gulped each breath, he stared at my fingers, and he stared into my eyes, and it seemed like he stared sadly into my soul.
One thing to mention is that we had run out of his dried krill treats, so he was feeling quite sad. He'd been asking for food all day, dancing at people and following fingers, and each time we gave him a sprinkle of pellets, he got more and more crestfallen. Bit by bit his will to live chipped away as he felt more and more rejected.
It was horrible to run out of fishy treats in his time of need.
Well, when we did manage to crawl in bed, I couldn't sleep.
Usually, I fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow, so to have me next to him, staring in the darkness and unable to sleep really disturbed my beloved bipolar.
So at 1 am, despite our very limited funds, I set off to Walmart for a midnight fish heater retrieval mission. And more fishy treats
Today, despite his very sore looking, very red tail, he's happy and swimming around like normal.